我们总会说这句话，但是记住，即使你也失去过亲人，但每个人的生命旅途不一样，所以你并不可能完全知道别人的感受。

　　Better – “I can’t begin to understand how you feel”

　　不如说：“我没法真正体会你现在的感受。”

　　6. Not so good – “You’ll feel better soon.”

　　6. 不要说：“你马上就会好的。”

　　This is a presumptive thing to say and it’s more for your benefit than your friend’s. You wanther to feel better because you hate to see her suffer. Make sure you don’t dismiss her grief.

　　这是个假设句，实际上是从你的角度出发而非你的朋友，因为你不想再看到自己的朋友沉浸在痛苦之中，这样你自己也会好过点。但是别忘了你并没有减轻她的伤痛。

　　Better – “I’ll be here for as long as you need me.”

　　不如说：“只要你需要我，我就会一直在这里。”

　　7. Not so good – “You should _________.”

　　7. 不要说：“你应该......”

　　Each person has her own unique path of grief to follow so it isn’t helpful or comforting to make suggestions as to how she should grieve or suggest that she do certain activities to help her feel better.

　　每个人有着自己处理痛苦的办法，所以不要给她意见，不要告诉她如何哀悼或应该去做些什么减轻痛苦，这毫无用处。

　　Better – “Do what you need to do to grieve – I’ll support you however I can”

　　不如说：“用你自己的方式去哀悼，我会尽我所能支持你。”

　　8. Not so good – “She wouldn’t have wanted you to be sad.”

　　8. 不要说：“她也不愿意看到你这么伤心。”

　　Guilt alert! Saying this, even if it’s true, may make the person feel like they “shouldn’t” be sad and that they aren’t handling the loss “right.” 小心！这句话可能会引起对方的罪恶感。即使这句话是真的，也只会让别人觉得他们不应该悲伤，他们处理悲伤的方式不对。 Better – “I can see that you are really sad and miss her so much.” 不如说：“我知道你很难过，也十分想念她。”　　9. Not so good – “Just stay busy and you’ll be okay.”

　　9. 不要说：“让自己忙起来，你马上就好起来了。”

　　This is dismissive of the person’s feelings, no matter how good the intention. It is okay to say what worked for you when you experienced grief, but make sure it’s not in the form of a command.

　　这是对别人感受的一种无视，无论你初衷有多好，当别人悲伤时说这些的确有点用，但记住不要用命令的口吻。

　　Better – “When I was grieving, staying busy was helpful for me, but that may or may not be what works best for you.”

　　不如说：“当我难过的时候，让自己忙起来是个好办法，但是我不知道对你是否适用。”

　　10. Not so good – “It’s time for you to get yourself together.”

　　10. 不要说：“是时候让自己振作起来了。”

　　Each person’s path of grief is unique. Maybe it isn’t time for her to get herself together yet.

　　每个人哀悼的方式都不一样，所以也许现在并不是让她收拾感情振作