双人英语相声剧本

时间:2021-08-31

  导语:相声(Crosstalk),一种民间说唱曲艺。它以说,学,逗,唱为形式,突出其特点。著名相声演员有马三立,张寿臣,侯宝林,刘宝瑞, 马季,侯耀文,苏文茂等。以下是小编整理双人英语相声剧本的资料,欢迎阅读参考。

双人英语相声剧本

  A: hey, when did you get back?

  B: I just got back.

  A: I haven't seen you for a year.

  B: you've been kicked by a donkey. It's been a month off. It's been a year.

  A: not...

  B: by the way, I lent you two pairs of socks and a pair of underpants before I left.

  A: how do you think about this year?

  B: are you trying to get on with it and give it back to me?

  A: wait, let me ask you something.

  B: ask what, hurry back my socks underwear.

  A: what are you doing at school this time?

  B: let's go home for the New Year.

  A: it's been a few years since you left.

  B: lunar New Year

  A: and now

  B: 2012

  A: that won't be enough. It's been a year.

  B :(helpless) this month is even a year.

  A: bullshit, just catch up with that point. One minute is worth a year.

  B: you have nothing to say.

  A: how was your year at home?

  B :(a face) don't mention it.

  A: this kid has been wronged for the Spring Festival. What did he do?

  B: I went home on a blind date.

  A: no, what time is it? Now you are too out of love.

  B: I would love to be free, just like me. You and I are in love.

  A :(hiding) you stay away from me. I want to live a few more years.

  B: besides, I didn't mean to go. It was my grandmother who had to let me go on a blind date.

  A: your grandmother can manage you, and the old lady is feudal enough.

  B: nonsense, my grandma is 91. Your grandma is as open as a 20-year-old girl.

  A: how do you talk?

  B: for the New Year, I have to make my grandmother happy, right.

  A: yes, respect the old man.

  B: come on, I'm a big boy, too. The subject is still up in the air.

  A: I'm in a hurry.

  B: no, well... Maybe this blind date, maybe some girl will have a crush on me.

  A: there's something to look forward to.

  B: no, I've been keeping my first kiss for more than 20 years. I've been trying to get it out.

  A :(running away) don't make me sick here. The more you say it, the more you say it.

  B: before I left, my grandma gave me a pep talk.

  A: what did grandma say?

  B: learn to grandma talk big grandson, you can want to hurry up, go on a blind date today, tomorrow let grandma on contact, I all right for you can explain the dead grandpa, can't let her wait too long

  A: the grandmother is more energetic than you.

  B: I need to get ready for a blind date.

  A: what are you prepared for?

  B: to the market, 40 yuan for a leather jacket.

  A: no, I have to rent it.

  B: poor family, no money to buy, that can not rent.

  A: are you so poor?

  B: well, let's rent a piece of pig skin.

  A: pig skin. It fits you.

  B: I washed my face with a big VAT of cleanser.

  A: good guy, you have enough to wash your face.

  B: two more altar conditioner, three cans of lotion, five skin creams...

  A: wait a minute. Your makeup is in the jar. The pot is in the pot.

  B: ah yes, not before. It's not a blind date. I borrowed some from the supermarket.

  A: you can borrow it. Which supermarket will lend it to you.

  B: just to the east side of my house, I can tell the boss to say, just lend me.

  A: the boss is too generous, I lend you so much.

  B: no, the garbage in the back of the supermarket is full of cosmetics.

  A: they are all abandoned.

  B: you don't care what, the whole land is cosmetics, the boss is very polite to me?

  A: what did the boss do to you?

  B: the boss said to me with a heavy heart.

  A: a heavy heart? The boss is kind to you.

  B: if you can get rid of this pile, I'll give you another 20 dollars.

  A: this is cleaning you as a dustman. I've never seen such a cleaner.

  B: that's great, boss. Thank you so much. I've made a blind date with you.

  A: if you talk like that, can you drink your facial cleanser?

  B: then what to do, all over the land, go home with the jars, POTS and pans, and then fill them up, full of tractors and shipped home?

  A: they're all so poor.

  B: you don't say, I'm dressed like a human.

  A: they are human. I think you are a human being.

  B: how did you talk?

  A: come on, go on a blind date.

  B: after that, I saw that it was a difficult time, waiting for me to break through.

  A: what's the matter?

  B: the girl's relatives are all there. What are the seven sister-in-law, that's the first floor, the outer layer?

  A: huo, so many relatives.

  B: the smallest one is standing in front of him.

  A: what do you call

  B: the family has xi shi's house to hide, the cow head horse face to stand aside, if want to meet the beautiful person, through must test the bridegroom.

  A: is this a test for you? What are you testing?

  B: her family mainly depends on my various aspects.

  A: as far as you're concerned, at first glance I think I'll kick you out of the wall.

  B: keep your mouth full of dirty mouths, and there's a matchmaker for us.

  A: what are your plans for the matchmaker?

  B: everything goes well.

  A: blow?

  B: yeah, when can you blow the cow up into the sky?

  A: no, it takes a lot of emotion to get by.

  B: it's a little bit slow.

  A: then you can blow it.

  B: the first one who came to me was her father. Her father was a middle school teacher and asked me what degree I had.

  A: what did you say?

  B: I said dad

  A: dad? That's all called up

  B: it's all a matter of time. I called his father, and he had a coke. That's how he looked at me.

  A: what do you think of you

  B :(doing a two-eye show) hum...

  A: I'm not interested in you.

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