导语：相声（Crosstalk），一种民间说唱曲艺。它以说，学，逗，唱为形式，突出其特点。著名相声演员有马三立，张寿臣，侯宝林，刘宝瑞， 马季，侯耀文，苏文茂等。以下是小编整理双人英语相声剧本的资料，欢迎阅读参考。

　　A: hey, when did you get back?

　　B: I just got back.

　　A: I haven't seen you for a year.

　　B: you've been kicked by a donkey. It's been a month off. It's been a year.

　　A: not...

　　B: by the way, I lent you two pairs of socks and a pair of underpants before I left.

　　A: how do you think about this year?

　　B: are you trying to get on with it and give it back to me?

　　A: wait, let me ask you something.

　　B: ask what, hurry back my socks underwear.

　　A: what are you doing at school this time?

　　B: let's go home for the New Year.

　　A: it's been a few years since you left.

　　B: lunar New Year

　　A: and now

　　B: 2012

　　A: that won't be enough. It's been a year.

　　B :(helpless) this month is even a year.

　　A: bullshit, just catch up with that point. One minute is worth a year.

　　B: you have nothing to say.

　　A: how was your year at home?

　　B :(a face) don't mention it.

　　A: this kid has been wronged for the Spring Festival. What did he do?

　　B: I went home on a blind date.

　　A: no, what time is it? Now you are too out of love.

　　B: I would love to be free, just like me. You and I are in love.

　　A :(hiding) you stay away from me. I want to live a few more years.

　　B: besides, I didn't mean to go. It was my grandmother who had to let me go on a blind date.

　　A: your grandmother can manage you, and the old lady is feudal enough.

　　B: nonsense, my grandma is 91. Your grandma is as open as a 20-year-old girl.

　　A: how do you talk?

　　B: for the New Year, I have to make my grandmother happy, right.

　　A: yes, respect the old man.

　　B: come on, I'm a big boy, too. The subject is still up in the air.

　　A: I'm in a hurry.

　　B: no, well... Maybe this blind date, maybe some girl will have a crush on me.

　　A: there's something to look forward to.

　　B: no, I've been keeping my first kiss for more than 20 years. I've been trying to get it out.

　　A :(running away) don't make me sick here. The more you say it, the more you say it.

　　B: before I left, my grandma gave me a pep talk.

　　A: what did grandma say?

　　B: learn to grandma talk big grandson, you can want to hurry up, go on a blind date today, tomorrow let grandma on contact, I all right for you can explain the dead grandpa, can't let her wait too long

　　A: the grandmother is more energetic than you.

　　B: I need to get ready for a blind date.

　　A: what are you prepared for?

　　B: to the market, 40 yuan for a leather jacket.

　　A: no, I have to rent it.

　　B: poor family, no money to buy, that can not rent.

　　A: are you so poor?

　　B: well, let's rent a piece of pig skin.

　　A: pig skin. It fits you.

　　B: I washed my face with a big VAT of cleanser.

　　A: good guy, you have enough to wash your face.

　　B: two more altar conditioner, three cans of lotion, five skin creams...

　　A: wait a minute. Your makeup is in the jar. The pot is in the pot.

　　B: ah yes, not before. It's not a blind date. I borrowed some from the supermarket.

　　A: you can borrow it. Which supermarket will lend it to you.

　　B: just to the east side of my house, I can tell the boss to say, just lend me.

　　A: the boss is too generous, I lend you so much.

　　B: no, the garbage in the back of the supermarket is full of cosmetics.

　　A: they are all abandoned.

　　B: you don't care what, the whole land is cosmetics, the boss is very polite to me?

　　A: what did the boss do to you?

　　B: the boss said to me with a heavy heart.

　　A: a heavy heart? The boss is kind to you.

　　B: if you can get rid of this pile, I'll give you another 20 dollars.

　　A: this is cleaning you as a dustman. I've never seen such a cleaner.

　　B: that's great, boss. Thank you so much. I've made a blind date with you.

　　A: if you talk like that, can you drink your facial cleanser?

　　B: then what to do, all over the land, go home with the jars, POTS and pans, and then fill them up, full of tractors and shipped home?

　　A: they're all so poor.

　　B: you don't say, I'm dressed like a human.

　　A: they are human. I think you are a human being.

　　B: how did you talk?

　　A: come on, go on a blind date.

　　B: after that, I saw that it was a difficult time, waiting for me to break through.

　　A: what's the matter?

　　B: the girl's relatives are all there. What are the seven sister-in-law, that's the first floor, the outer layer?

　　A: huo, so many relatives.

　　B: the smallest one is standing in front of him.

　　A: what do you call

　　B: the family has xi shi's house to hide, the cow head horse face to stand aside, if want to meet the beautiful person, through must test the bridegroom.

　　A: is this a test for you? What are you testing?

　　B: her family mainly depends on my various aspects.

　　A: as far as you're concerned, at first glance I think I'll kick you out of the wall.

　　B: keep your mouth full of dirty mouths, and there's a matchmaker for us.

　　A: what are your plans for the matchmaker?

　　B: everything goes well.

　　A: blow?

　　B: yeah, when can you blow the cow up into the sky?

　　A: no, it takes a lot of emotion to get by.

　　B: it's a little bit slow.

　　A: then you can blow it.

　　B: the first one who came to me was her father. Her father was a middle school teacher and asked me what degree I had.

　　A: what did you say?

　　B: I said dad

　　A: dad? That's all called up

　　B: it's all a matter of time. I called his father, and he had a coke. That's how he looked at me.

　　A: what do you think of you

　　B :(doing a two-eye show) hum...

　　A: I'm not interested in you.